Once the Glove Come Off
by Personification of Fluff
Summary: PostNaraku. Houshisama must deal with his own inner demons by himself, trying to find a place in the world while Sango deals with Kohaku. But she is so consummed with worry for her brother she misses how much Miroku starts to change after


**Title:** When the Glove Comes Off

**Rating:** PG

**Author:** Personification of Fluff

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Inuyasha and I am making no money from this story. It simply adds to my own feeling of pride from knowing I'm giving a Christmas gift to someone and I hope that they like it.

**Summary: **Post-Naraku. Post-proposal. Houshi-sama must deal with his own inner demons by himself, trying to find a place in the world while Sango deals with Kohaku. But she is so consummed with worry for her brother she misses how much Miroku starts to change after losing his kazaana, and has to finally confront her own emotions to risk losing both men in her life.

**Author's Notes:** For the Chasms community of livejournal and our MirSan secret santa. My secret... um... person-getting-gift requested action (which I admit I failed to give!), romantic comedy (I hope there are some comedic parts), a bit of angst with Kohaku (I think I actually managed to tackle this one and succeed, but they'll have to be the judge), and more than anything, realism. That is what I focussed on, as well as the request for character development. Some things, like action, which I could have included, I didn't because it was already getting on to thirteen pages due to the character development. I didn't want people to drown in my word count. ;)

They did not want to see Miroku spouting his typical prose and wooing Sango off her feet, so hence the more subdued Miroku in this story. They did want to see hesitant thoughts (I wonder if I overdid those in my zealous quest...) and a request to see the masculine side of Miroku. I hope I succeeded in that... what with him being a man and all. :)

Merry Christmas, Fury-chan.

And, of course, to the rest of the MirSan, Chasms community.

* * *

I watched from atop the hill as the girl laughed. The apples of her cheeks plumped as she smiled, turning a dull, rosy shade. Her long-lashed eyes closed from her laughter, and when they opened they were a shining, innocent, trusting doe-brown. She was slim, and beautiful, feminine, and perfectly creamy-skinned and all of about fifteen years old…

Exactly the kind of woman Houshi-sama would want.

He said something else, making grand gestures with his arms. The girl laughed even harder and he smiled at her response. Becoming agitated, I began to absentmindedly pet the cat-demon in my lap. I wondered where were the girl's parents? Why were people letting her talk to him alone like that? Yes, we had earned ourselves a good reputation in the village for helping save it and destroying Naraku, but hadn't people also learned that Houshi-sama was a hopeless pervert? Didn't they learn he had wandering hands?

I suppose I began petting Kirara a bit roughly because she growled and sat up, leaping from me lap and trotting away. Clearly she was going to go and find Kohaku. My brother has asked for some privacy, and I had happily—grudgingly—given it to him. He wouldn't mind Kirara, though.

Naraku had been defeated a month ago. Sesshoumaru didn't bother us anymore, Kikyou's soul had vanished, Kouga still appeared occasionally to try and woe away Kagome, and so for this reason Inuyasha and Kagome had been spending most of their time on the other side of the well. Shippou loves helping Kaede-sama collect her herbs and visiting the sick villagers, Houshi-sama still hasn't taken the glove off yet of his hand, silently expressing his own concern and unfamiliarity with his own body, Kohaku has returned… and I feel restless.

I can't do anything. I can't make Kohaku deal with his own inner demons. I try to help, sitting by him and perhaps sharpening tools or weapons for the farmers, in case Kohaku ever wants to talk, but he never does. He asked for his own time. He says I'm always there and he's feeling constantly pressure and watched. He says he _needs_ alone time, but…

But I can't help but feel like he's _always_ alone. No matter how long I sit or what I'm doing, I can't help but feel like Kohaku-kun is never _really_ there. Though he may have always been sitting near me, his mind is always far away, and somewhere I can't follow.

I always could have asked Houshi-sama for advice on how to deal with Kohaku, but I don't want to have to seek advice for dealing with my own brother. I feel as if it somehow would have confirmed for me that Kohaku had changed and we no longer had the special connection we always had.

And I was ever lonely, feeling alienated from my own brother, I could have gone and visited Houshi-sama. He most certainly was not far, what with both of us still living in Kaede-sama's house. But doing that would mean I'd be leaving Kohaku's side. I didn't want to do that! I wanted Kohaku to know that I was there to support him! In the end, it was alienating me from both men in my life.

No wonder Houshi-sama's attention had wandered and he started flirting with the village girls. We had—he had asked me to stay with him and bear his children after we defeated Naraku. We had defeated Naraku, and any interest he had in me had vanished after I had rescued Kohaku. It made me wonder if maybe he had flirted with me just because he wanted to keep me from moping or making myself sick with worry over Kohaku. Yet, I was confused, because if that was true, then why had he waited so long to begin flirting with the village girls? Why not start as soon as Naraku was dead?

My thoughts were interrupted when I notice Shippou running up the hill, a boy I had never seen before in town. I stood to meet them, dusting off my robes. Shippo skidded to a stop, panting a little.

"Sango, Kujo lives the next village over. He came to speak with you about a job."

The man bowed politely. "You reputation precedes you, Sango-sama. We've heard that you were part of the group that defeated the villainous Naraku. We also had heard that you were one of the last demon slayers, as well as being one of the best even before the village was destroyed. I have come to buy your services."

"You can stop with the flattery and just tell me what it is."

"For the past few weeks now, our crops have been stolen bu demons. If we cannot stop them soon, we will not be able to gather enough food to last us through the non-growing season. Our farmers report that it appears to be a flock of crow demons."

"Crow demons?" Shippou had climbed up to my shoulder. He perched there precariously and rubbed his chin. "But I thought they were carnivores."

"They are, when they're adults. Crow demons are scavengers by nature. They'll eat anything when they're young, carrion and crops, until they become strong enough to be able to take down prey themselves. If they're that young, it shouldn't be a problem to exterminate them. Kirara and I can do it easily."

Kujo smiled. "Then… you'll be able to take the job?" he asked excitedly. Then his face fell when he remembered the second part of his message. "We're a poor village, Sango-sama. I'm afraid we wouldn't be able to pay you very much."

"Pay me what you are free to give, then," I said. "It won't be a problem to take them down. I'll need an hour or so to gather my belongings. How far away is your village?"

"A day's hard march; more if we run into bandits or trouble along the road."

"Hm." I glanced at the kitsune on my shoulder. "I believe that we had a good crop since last year. Would you be so kind as to ask Kaede-sama for some rice so we can bring it to Kujo's village? I dislike going and eating all of their food." Kujo could have dropped dead from sheer happiness.

"Sure, Sango!"

"Thank you, Shippou. I will meet you back here in an hour and half, Kujo." I glanced down the hill. Houshi-sama was still talking to that girl. I figured I should tell him I'd be gone for the next three days.

I walked down the hill. They didn't see me coming. As I drew closer, hidden by the corner of the house they stood next to, I stopped when I could make out Houshi-sama's voice. He was laughing, and my name caught my attention.

"Inuyasha had been pressing us hard lately. We were all very tired. Kirara was giving Sango a break and letting her ride her—which was really only fair since Sango had been carrying Kirara the rest of the day. Sango was brining up the rear when we heard this loud thump and then a stream of _very_ unladylike cursing. Sango had fallen asleep and slipped off Kirara's back, right into a mud puddle! She was covered in mud, and she was quite disagreeable after that."

Both of them erupted into laughter. I felt like I had been struck at the sound. They were laughing at me? Why was Houshi-sama saying those things? How could he tell someone those embarrassing things about me? Was that the power of a girl's pert mouth and red cheeks?

I couldn't bear turning the corner and seeing them laughing. I glanced at Shippou. He saw my stricken expression and nodded. "I'll tell him."

* * *

"What's all this I hear about you leaving to defeat a flock of crow demons alone, Sango?"

I looked up from my small bag I was packing to see Houhsi-sama standing in the door way. He was holding his _shakujo_, and I think that had he not been holding it he would have had his arms crossed. His eyes were trying to be light hearted, but there was an aggression and stubborn defensiveness there I had rarely seen aimed at myself. Normally he openly wore that expression when he was dealing with the kazaana or with an enemy; not an ally.

I suppressed a sigh, taking in his features. I couldn't blame the village girls for admiring Houshi-sama. He wasn't bad looking. I think that with his deep, penetrating gaze and the way his bangs fall to catch his lashes that it's safe to say there's no man in the village quite as good looking as Houshi-sama. Sometimes, when I look at him, I find myself wondering what his hair would feel like if I brushed it for him. I find it strange that all the times I have sat by his side in comfort and protection, never have I even once done something like brush his hair away from his sweat-soaked skin. Strange, isn't it?

"There are crows stealing the crops of the nearest village. I'm going to go and exterminate them." I shrugged, my long brown ponytail shifting at the movement. Houshi-sama was still staring at me with his adorable, stubborn, and angry expression. "It's what I do, Houshi-sama. You know that."

"Allow me to repeat myself, Sango. Perhaps I wasn't clear. What's all this I hear about you leaving to defeat a flock of crow demons _alone_, Sango?"

Blinking coolly I stood up and slung my bag over one shoulder. The other was free for hiraikotsu. I met his gaze. Houshi-sama didn't frighten or intimidate me, and I was actually slightly angered that he was insinuating I couldn't take care of myself. My lips tightened into a tight line. "I won't be alone, Houshi-sama. Kirara will be coming with me."

"Two of you against an entire flock?"

"We've been against worst odds. Kirara and I have trained together far more than I've been fighting alongside you, Houshi-sama."

He sighed and spread the hand that wasn't holding the staff out towards me, as if imploring me to understand. He could tell I was angry. "I know that, Sango, but…"

Houshi-sama paused and dropped his gaze to the floor. I stared at the hand he had outstretched. It was the one which, once upon a time, had housed the wind-tunnel. Maybe his hand really had been cursed with more than just the tunnel. He hadn't once tried to grope me since we had gotten back from defeating Naraku. I had always thought I'd look forward to do when the lechery would end, but I wasn't happy. Not that I missed the groping; I just missed the way he would smile when he did it, and how his eyes turned this later shade of blue when he smiled, or how he seemed to be able to take such pleasure from it even though he knew there would be retribution.

"But what, Houshi-sama?"

His hand closed tightly. The fabric of the glove stretched over his reformed palm, making little ripples appear in the fabric. "But why didn't you at least ask me to come with you? Had you asked me and told me that you and Kirara could take care of it, I wouldn't have questioned it. Instead Shippo runs up and _tells_ me that you're leaving, and…"

"So that's it then? You're mad because I didn't ask your _permission_ to go?!" My voice raised a pitch. Houshi-sama winced, and I don't think it was because of the sound.

"No!" he snapped, stepping further into the room. He pointed a finger at me. "I'm mad because _you_ didn't tell me _at all_, Sango! I heard it from _Shippo_! I don't need to give you permission to do anything, and even if I were in that position, we both know that you're too stubborn to listen!" I gritted my teeth to keep from interrupting him, feeling the blood rush to my face. "No, I'm mad because I'm not included in this process at all and I'm being left behind and I don't know _why_!"

I lifted an eyebrow, surprised by Houshi-sama's words. I lowered my voice. "Well, somebody has to stay and protect the village. Who else would do it? Inuyasha and Kagome are away, and you're the best fighter in the village."

Much to my surprise, his anger drifted away. It simply vanished. His head straightened in surprise. "I am?"

I nodded. "You're better at sensing approaching attacks than I am, you're smart, people will listen to you, you can erect shields, you can exorcise demons, and you're the best person I know at fighting with staves. I can think of no one else I'd have protect my home and my little brother than you, Houshi-sama."

I meant what I said, but I didn't think what I said would have such an affect on him. I watched as his face flushed. Houshi-sama was blushing. I wondered if any of the other girls had made him ever blush. This was the man who would sing bawdy songs when he was liberally intoxicated, and grope any attractive female, and purposefully used to walk into the wrong side of the baths just to catch a lucky glimpse, and yet he was blushing from naught but a simple compliment.

He snuck a glance at his gloved hand. He tried to be quick, but I still noticed it. He lifted his face to mine and smiled at me in sincere apology. "Then in that case I will do my best to guard this village, Sango."

I bent to pick up my favored weapon. "Don't guard it too well. I'd like to find you alive when I come back," I muttered to myself. When I looked back up, he was already gone. I don't know if he heard me or not.

Knowing that Houshi-sama would guard the village and my brother, I set off to find Kujo and tell him we were ready to proceed. When I did find him, he was talking to the same girl Houshi-sama had been earlier in the day. She was pointing an accusing finger at Kujo, and the man seemed to earnestly be taking whatever she was saying to heart, nodding vigorously. I thought it was maybe my imagination, but he seemed to even be looking a little pale. The girl clapped, smiled prettily, and then left.

I shrugged. Some girls were just flirts, I suppose.

* * *

We had to stop for the night along the way. Kujo caught some fish, and was cooking them. Having done my job of starting the campfire and digging the latrine, I sat down and took Kirara into my lap, brushing her ears until she settled so I could remove leaves and nettles from her fur. Rather quickly she was purring, enjoying the way I had to fuss over her to get her fur clean.

"How do you want to divide up the night watch?" Kujo asked as he finished placing the fish to cook. "Would you like the first half or the second half?"

I glanced up at him. "I'll take the last part, if you don't mind. I usually wake up early, and I find I'm used to the morning watch. I always used to take it when I was traveling to take down Naraku. If you want to watch for the first part, then Kirara can take the middle watch."

"Kirara?" I pointed at the cat in my arms and he eyed me quizzically. "The cat?"

"She's a demon. Her senses are better than ours combined and she's as intelligent as we are. If there is trouble, she can wake us up without a problem. You'd be amazed how hard it is to sleep when a cat demon wants you up. When Houshi-sama and I were traveling together by ourselves, we always divided the watch up between the three of us." I smiled and laughed a little. "One time, Kirara tried to wake up Houshi-sama for a fight and he was so far lost she had to bite his arm to wake him up. He wasn't too impressed with her, but neither was she when his first instinct was to slap an ofuda on her nose before he realized who she was."

"You two have been together for a long time?" Kujo asked from the other side of the fire.

"Kirara and I? Yes. She's known me since I was still in diapers. I can always remember Kirara being there for me to keep me company."

He smiled at me. "You're lucky to have such a good friend, but I wasn't referring to Kirara." He picked up a stick and began poking the fire for amusement, now and then stirring a hot coal and sending little sparks up into the air. "I was referring to the monk."

"Houshi-sama?" My voice squeaked in surprise.

"This is the third time today that you mentioned him in a story," the man pointed out to me. I hadn't realized it had been that often. "The girl at the village made it very clear to me before we left that you were off-limits should I flirt with you on the way home. So did the kitsune. He threatened to curse me with illusions for the rest of my life if I so much as laid a finger on you. I didn't need to ask who had spoken for your hand. The monk made it perfectly clear to me when he spoke with me while you were packing." He shuddered at the memory.

I was staring at him in surprise. So was Kirara. I couldn't believe that people had warned Kujo to stay away from me because I was 'spoken for'. Yes, Houshi-sama _had_ asked for my hand in marriage, but he had never spoken of it since. As of late conversation between us had been very strained. We kept leaping at each other's throats when we spoke. That the girl had vouched for me was even more of a surprise. I felt my face flush, part of me wishing I could have seen Houshi-sama warn the man away from me—something I could not recall him ever doing—while a larger part of me wished to confront him about it. If he wasn't going to even talk about marriage to me, then how dare he tell others that I was unavailable!?

"What exactly did Houshi-sama say?" The question was out of my mouth before I knew what I was asking.

Kujo chuckled at the memory. It was a very nervous laugh. "He told me that he had the highest respect for me for being able to make it all this way by myself. He then said that he would hate to have to… ah, bury me alive should I offend you in any way."

"He threatened to do that if you hurt me?"

Kujo glanced up. His brown eyes were evasive. "No… That's what he threatened to do if I _offended_ you. If I hurt you, he promised to cut off the offending appendage before he buried me alive."

I scoffed. "Houshi-sama has a strange sense of humor. I'm certain he was just joking…"

The man shook his head slowly. I thought that for a moment there was a haunted look in his eyes, but I attributed it to the way the firelight made everything flicker in changing patterns. "I assure you, Sango-sama, had you seen the look in his eyes when he said that, you would know exactly how serious he was."

* * *

Kujo had given me a fair bit to think about. Houshi-sama would not have done such a thing if his intent had not been serious. The fact that Kujo was a perfect gentleman to me and that he never once so much as looked at me in any way possibly considered inappropriate was testament to the fact that he had not fabricated the story. He also turned out to be married, but I doubt that would have stopped Houshi-sama from making his threat. I couldn't rationalize Houshi-sama's behavior! If he was… laying some kind of a claim to me, wouldn't it be nice to tell me? How dare he do that without letting me know that he was still interested! And if he wasn't interested, then what gave him the right to threaten an innocent man?

It didn't make sense.

Kujo escorted me back home when I was done. I had thought a lot, and we had barely spoken since that night. "Kujo," I asked as I neared home, "are you one of the best fighters in your village?"

He nodded. "The third best," he said without hint of pride. It was just a fact to him.

"Tell me… if some terrible accident occurred and you lost your sword arm, what would you do?"

Kujo stared at him as if I were insane. He saw how deep in thought I was, my brows furrowed underneath my dark bangs, and he noted that I was chewing my bottom lip nervously. He gathered I had a reason behind my question, even if he couldn't understand it. "I don't know what I would do. I couldn't fight, and I wouldn't be able to farm. Farming and fighting are what I do. They are my livelihoods."

"How would you feel?"

He shrugged. "Useless and lost, I guess. My livelihoods would be gone, my sense of identity would be gone... I'd have to find something new to do. I'd have to find some new way of defining myself." I was quiet at his answer, and after a minute or two he asked me why I had inquired. When I didn't answer he smiled shyly. "It's somehow related to your monk, isn't it?"

"He's not my monk." I was startled by the snappishness in my own voice.

Kujo glanced over at me sharply. "Your monk," he said again, his eyes smiling when I glared at him. "The young woman in your village said that the whole town is awaiting your wedding to the monk. Everyone knows you're the perfect couple."

I thought about how we had snapped at each other before I left. I reached up to my shoulder, seeking comfort in Kirara. My friend licked my fingers and brushed her head against my ear. I wasn't in a good enough mood to smile at the way her fur was ticklish, but it was enough to lighten my expression into something other than a frown. "We're hardly the perfect couple. We can barely even speak to each other civilly."

"My wife and I yell at each other all the time. She likes to chase me out of the house with her ladle. When were first married, we talked all the time. We would stay up all night, talking. Marriage changes people, Sango-sama. You can't expect everything to remain the way it was when you first met."

I remembered seeing Houshi-sama for the first time. I was so busy fighting, I hadn't even noticed that he was good-looking, or even a monk. It had taken time to notice the little things that made him attractive: like how sometimes the light made the deepest parts of his eyes a cloudy grey-blue, or how his earring brushed his shoulders sometimes when he stared at me, or how one side of his smile pulled up more than the other to give him a rakish kind of appearance.

I had been indifferent to him for a long time. He had been indifferent to me, too, but he'd always been watching me. When I got up in the morning to stretch and to exercise, he'd always been watching me, waking with the sun as I did. He watched silently, almost impassively, as day by day my exercises had grown stronger and more complicated. Finally, I could do the most arduous without error and I knew then that I was fully healed.

It was only a few hours later that Houshi-sama had, for the first time, groped me, adding on a wink. It was only a few seconds later that he had a perfect replica of my hand imprinted on his cheek.

There was a pang in my chest when I recalled Kujo's words. Changing was human nature. I winced at all the times I had told Houshi-sama that he needed to change for me to accept him. Despite all the slaps and awkward moments and heartache, I had liked it that way. I didn't want this man; I wanted my Houshi-sama.

* * *

The village was quiet when I returned. Farmers were working in the rice fields, and the wives were sweeping their floors, and children were running amok, arguing over who would play 'Inuyasha' and who would be 'Naraku' for the day. It was normal… save for the fact that there were obvious signs of battle. I stared at the broken bricks and pots young men were putting back into neat little piles so carts wouldn't hit them. There had been a fight here.

Before I knew it, as dangerous as it was, I let my weapon fall from my shoulder. Kirara leapt off, feeling me about to break into a run. Skirts are hard to run in, and the ground was damp from a summer shower, but I ran as hard as I could. I ran so hard I kicked mud up to get it caught in the ends of my hair and I heard my skirt rip a little from my stride.

"Wait!"

I skidded when I heard a girl's voice call out to me. The mud was slippery. I was breathing heavily, taking the time to catch my breath as I turned. The girl I had seen Houshi-sama flirt with was running to me. I searched my mind for her name. Eiko. Her name was Eiko.

"What is it?"

Her cheeks were flushed. She stopped in front of me, worse for wear than I was. "There was an attack on the village," she panted.

"Demons?"

The girl shook her head no. "Humans. Bandits. Miroku-sama got the men together before most of us were aware we were even under attack. He launched some arrows and we were able to take down most of them before they got to the village. Then Miroku and a few of the better melee fighters went in close, while the other archers backed up, injuring the bandits when they could. Someone had the idea to go and find Kohaku…"

My heart leapt into my throat. I had immediately worried that Houshi-sama, Shippo and Kohaku had been hurt when I saw the sings of battle. Now I was even more worried! "Is he okay?'

She nodded, but it did little to relax me. "He just wasn't at the village when it was attacked. They went to find him because they could use his help, but it wasn't in enough time. Miroku-sama he… he fell in battle." The color drained from my face and the ground seemed ready to swallow me whole in the time it took her to continue. "He's all right now, Sango-sama, but the weapon was poisoned. Kaede-sama fixed him and he's recuperating…"

"But then… the bandits… who stopped them?"

Eiko shifted her weight nervously. "Your brother did. Not a single one of them got away. He killed every last one of them, and he never even moved from over Miroku's body when he did it. Then he and Shippo left to get herbs, and Shippo returned, but Kohaku-kun didn't. He said that he needed some time to himself. No one has seen him since, and they attacked at dawn."

I felt my breath leave my body. Apparently I had been holding it. "Thank you, Eiko."

I continued to Kaede's, but my sense of urgency was gone. I didn't run all the way, but jogged. I still hadn't bothered to retrieve my weapon from the mud. I felt my hands become clammy the closer I got to Kaede's hut. I was nervous. How silly was that? It wasn't my fault that Houshi-sama had been hurt, but I felt like it was. I felt like I was responsible because I had asked him to protect the village.

It was stupid of me to feel that way. He would have protected it even had I not asked him to. That was how Houshi-sama was. He protected things he had no reason to, and he loved things he had no rea…

He loved things.

I walked into the house to find him laying by the small fire in the center of the hut. The air was sweet with herbs meant to make it easier for him to breath. He was on his back, his eyes closed. His hair clung to his damp skin, and his lips were parted as he slept. He was asleep. I stepped out of my shoes and entered, kneeling by his side. A bucket of water was laying unattended by his side. Kaede must have been tending to do him when she was called away. Surely he musn't have been the only injured person in the attack. She would have had more people than him to help heal.

I recalled thinking about all the times I knelt by him like this. I remembered all the times he'd wake up and grope me. I remembered all the times I had wished he would be well and yet all I had done was respectfully keep my distance. And what for? To keep from giving him the wrong impression? To keep from being close to him? To keep from getting hurt?

I bit my bottom lip. I had been hurt, anyway.

Slowly, I reached out, letting a single finger brush his bangs away from his forehead. They fell to the side. It was damp, but it was silky and soft. It was just the way I thought it would have always felt. I found my hand hovering over his hair, staring at the length of leather which bound his hair back. What would it feel like to…

No. I don't think like this. I shoved those thoughts away and grabbed the cloth still floating forgotten in the water. Wringing it out, I calmed down before I leaned over Houshi-sama to wipe the sweat from his skin for him. I rinsed the cloth out and then I placed it over his forehead for him, trying to keep him comfortably cool while his body sweated out the fever from the poison.

"Sango?" His spoke before his eyes had even opened. I was still leaning over him and I brushed his fallen bangs to let him know I was there. His eyes opened and he smiled at me. His eyes were a beautiful shade of blue. "Hi."

I felt myself beginning to blush. "Hi."

"How did the exterminating go?"

"It went as was planned. Their village should be safe, and Kirara and I are back unharmed."

"You missed a good fight while you were gone."

"So I heard."

The silence grew between us. Normally I liked the silence between us. When we were on the road and we were able to simply relax between us, it was heaven. Houshi-sama had taught me to love silence. But this was awkward, tense silence.

"I had always thought that after we defeated Naraku you'd smile more," he suddenly admitted. His voice was slow. It sounded sleepy. It wasn't really Houshi-sama talking, but the fever. I glanced up at his face. His eyes were bright, and he was nodding. "I did. I kept telling myself that after we defeated Naraku, you'd never stop smiling, but you haven't smiled once since we defeated him."

"I… I… With everything that's been happening, I suppose I haven't really found a reason to want to smile."

He appeared concerned. "You mean with Kohaku?"

Pausing, considering my answer, I added, "and with you."

"Me?"

I nodded slowly. "I thought that after your hand was healed, I would have to tie your hands to your staff to keep you from touching me, but you haven't even tried it since that day. Don't think that I didn't notice that you'd stopped flirting with other girls. I did notice, Houshi-sama, but you also stopped paying attention to _me_, Houshi-sama."

His eyes widened. Miroku reached up to take the cloth from his forehead and placed it beside him on the floor. Sitting up, he took my hands into his. My heart pounded in my chest. "I never did that, Sango…"

"Yes, you did!" I pulled my hand back, furious. Why did he always have to contradict me? I knew what I was saying! Even if his intent hadn't been to ignore me, the point was that I had certainly felt that way, and yet he was implying that I was incorrect and hence my feelings were as well! I glared at him. "You didn't talk to me for days. When you did, you always looked so somber that it looked more as if you were in mourning! You didn't flirt with me, you didn't grope me, you didn't try to sneak a peek in the bathroom, or offer to help me whenever I could have used it…"

"I was exactly what you wanted me to be."

His voice wasn't sharp. It reminded me of Kujo's. He was simply stating a fact. He had been, in that time, everything I had wanted him to be. He hadn't been a shameless flirt. He hadn't been a lecher. When he had spoken to me, it had always been with respect, even when it had been angry. He had always kept a distance around me, always been courteous and offering me a smile though I hadn't returned his…

My voice caught in my throat. It hurt to let it out. "I was wrong. I don't want what I thought I wanted, Houshi-sama."

He was staring at me. Houshi-sama always had such a way with words that realizing something _I_ had said had made him speechless unsettled me. I slowly shook my head, my long ponytail swaying a little at the movement. "I don't. I want _you_ Houshi-sama. I want to be with the man with whom I fell in love."

Pain flashed across his face, hurting me, too. "That could be a problem, Sango. That person doesn't exist anymore."

"Why not? Because you don't have the kazaana anymore?" I already knew the answer. Kujo had helped me to figure it out. It didn't make it hurt any less when he said yes. I reached down and grabbed his gloved hand, holding it tightly in mine. "The man I fell in love with was intelligent, and a good fighter, and caring, and perceptive! He was fun and witty and annoying and I loved him for all of his faults! The man I love would stop wearing this glove and would have groped me the first opportunity he got! If I loved him because of nothing but a curse, then I'm nothing but a fool. And if _he_ thinks that I loved him because of nothing but a curse, then he's nowhere near as smart as I had given him credit for."

I threw his hand back at him and stood out, tromping out of the house. My eyes were stinging. I had just told him I loved him and his reaction had been to sit there, staring. I know that he had a fever, but he should have been more perceptive than that. I shoved my feet into my sandals and I left.

I needed to find Kohaku.

* * *

It took me a few hours to find Kohaku. I had actually given up hope and was retuning to the village before darkness fell. All I had was my wakazashi, and as good as I was, my fighting form was sloppy when I was irritable, tired, and hungry. Kohaku was a smart boy and knew how to avoid the fight. He would be safe for the night and I could resume my search after a brief nap and something to eat. I thought I would perhaps get Kirara to join me. I wouldn't be able to see anything in the darkness, but she could.

It was on my way back that I ran across him. He was carrying a fishing rod with a few large fish hanging from it. When I called his name, he stopped and turned around, and for the first time in a long time, I saw him smile. "Hey, Sis. I caught a whole bunch of fish! Did I do good?"

The childish innocence of his question set me off at first. I drew along side him. The fish had to weigh four or five pounds each. "You did amazing, Kohaku."

"Thanks!"

We walked along in silence. Kohaku broke the silence. His voice had dulled. It appeared that he had sensed my uneasiness. "You want to talk about it, don't you, onee-san?" He sighed. "I… I don't know what came over me. I just saw Miroku-sama fall, and the bandits were everywhere and grabbing people and breaking things… and I knew that I had to stop them. My body started acting on its own…"

"Eiko called you impressive. She says that you never even moved from the spot."

"They were just dumb bandits. I had chosen a strategic location. They had to get by me to run out of town. I struck them as they ran by. It wasn't impressive. I want to say it was wrong, but it wasn't. They were destroying your home. They were hurting Shippo's friends and Miroku-sama. I knew that if they got away, they'd only come back… but I didn't like killing…" His voice was strained and bitter. He stared at the road. "I threw up, afterwards. I couldn't stand what I had done."

I thought quietly about it. "You caught some fine fish, Kohaku-kun. It's a shame that you had to kill the fish to eat them, though." He glanced up at me quizzically, and for a moment there was blind panic in his eyes. Kohaku had always loved to fish. He loved the quiet and the water. He'd never once expressed a concern for the fish he brought back until that frantic second. "But we're going to eat them to live. They were completely innocent and now they are dead. The bandits that are now buried had cruel intentions and would have killed us. Sometimes, Kohaku-kun, you have to kill to live."

He frowned tightly. Then he smiled a little. "I guess that it wouldn't surprise you if I said I was giving it consideration cutting out meat from my diet, would it?"

"Not in the slightest, but I know you couldn't do it."

"Why not?" he indignantly countered.

This was, much to my surprise, the easiest conversation I had ever had with Kohaku since we saved him from Naraku. My face felt funny. I realized that I was smiling. Kohaku was grinning back at me. He had been aware of how reserved I had been since Naraku's death. Smiling felt good. "Because you've had Houshi-sama's cooking, too."

"Miroku-sama can make a pretty mean fish," he grinned. When we resumed walking, his footsteps were light-hearted again. "In fact, I think that Miroku-sama can pretty much do anything. It takes a certain type of man to change himself for the woman he loves."

I nearly skidded. The ground was still a little damp. "I… I… I hadn't noticed."

"You stutter when you lie," Kohaku grinned slyly.

My cheeks turned red. "Since when are you trying to play matchmaker?!"

Kohaku stopped, tugging at my sleeve. "Onee-san… I know my moods come and go still. One day I'll want nothing more than to play with Shippo, and then for the next two it's a burden to even be near people because I still worry that… that _he's_ there and that everyone I see will be dead at my feet by the time I'm myself again. Let me say this while I still feel like myself. I want you to be happy, sis. I think Miroku-sama will make you happy. Don't worry over me so much that you end up alienating him. Miroku-sama may love you, but he won't wait forever. You have to give him some hope."

"I… I told him today that I loved him. At least that's some hope."

"Yeah, but you still don't trust him, or else you wouldn't be playing such close attention to where he goes or who he talks to. And you're still not entirely comfortable with him because you still think he's just using you. Miroku-sama never thought of you as a game, Onee-san."

Arching an eyebrow, I stared down at him. "How would you know about all of that?"

He shrugged. "I watch and I listen. And I talk to Miroku-sama. I like talking to him. He's a very entertaining storyteller and he's bright, too. No offense, Onee-san… but you're always so scared to talk to me. You don't want to upset me and sometimes, sometimes I _do_ want to talk about it… I like talking about it with Miroku because he's in the same situation I am. He's scared that the tunnel will reopen. I can confide in him, be… close to him in a way that I can't with you because you're not in the same situation. Naraku hurt you, scared you, scarred you, and he used you, but not like us. He didn't turn you into a killing machine, Sango. Now both of us are free of that, and neither of us really know what to do with ourselves…"

"…Did he ever tell you he asked me to bear his children and live with him when all of this was over?"

"Yes."

"Did he tell you I said yes?"

Kohaku nodded. "And when I found out, I was happy for you, but Miroku-sama is nervous. He didn't want to force you to adhere to your promise. He wonders if maybe… if maybe you just wanted to console him before he died."

I stared at Kohaku.

And then, I started to laugh.

* * *

Kohaku decided he was going to go somewhere else. He said I needed to talk to Houshi-sama. I agreed.

I walked in to find him wide awake, sitting up and staring at the fire. He glanced up at me when I walked in, and his jaw dropped. I watched as his eyes drank in the sight of the curve of my lips and the small crinkles in my eyes. Finally, he found his voice.

"You have a dimple in one cheek." He leaned his head back against the wall as I took a seat beside him. "I never would have thought you'd have a dimple."

"Would you care to know what finally made me laugh?"

His grinned stretched. His smile poured into his eyes, making them light, ocean blue. "It would fulfill my wildest fantasies…" He choked when I gave him a skeptical look. "Well, it would fulfill one of my more mundane fantasies…"

I nodded. "A little bird told me that you thought I'd agreed to marry you simply because I pitied you for your curse."

He paled. Houshi-sama looked positively panicked. "And that made you laugh?"

"It did knowing that the whole time I thought you had asked me simply to get me to agree to sleep with you." His face flash wounded, but he didn't look panicked anymore. His smile gone, the darkness was back in his eyes, making them wary. He was waiting for some kind of a bombshell. "That's why it confused me when you didn't mention it after that."

"You were busy taking care of Kohaku."

"And you were busy trying to find yourself again. I never trusted you, Houshi-sama… and I should have. Your… checkered past just makes it difficult sometimes. I never brought it up because I didn't want to trap you. I won't be happy knowing that I trapped you."

Miroku was silent. He slowly lifted his gloved hand and pulled it back, staring at his whole palm. "Do you know why I didn't grope you with it?"

"No."

"Because part me worried it was all a dream. But a larger part of me knew it was the truth and I was scared." His deep voice rumbled, and his eyes shifted to my face. Slowly, he lifted his hand to my cheek, caressing it. I felt my whole body soften at his touch. A soft moan escaped his dry lips. "And there are so many other ways I've longed to touch you… I wanted something more intimate than a casual grope, Sango."

"Then our engagement is still on?" I asked cautiously. I smiled when he nodded.

We talked a lot that night. Houshi-sama was the perfect gentleman. We learned more about each other in that one night than we had when we were traveling together. When we woke up the following morning, I had only taken three steps out the door before I felt an all too familiar hand land on my backside. I felt the beads that bound the kazaana pressing against me. I stopped in surprise, and heard him laugh.

We'd reached some kind of a compromise. When the glove was on, he was a pervert. When the glove came off, Houshi-sama was the gentleman he had proved he could be. And while that glove was on, I was free to pummel him.

So I did.

It's strange how once upon a time, the groping and the pummeling had been meant to keep us apart, and yet in the end it was what had brought us together. I loved the attention, and always being kept on my toes, and he loved being able to take liberties no other man could live long enough to take. Our group may have been disbanded, but when Kohaku and Eiko fell off a fence from laughing as they watching us fight through the street, I knew that the charade we played still had some usefulness to those around us.

* * *

Fin 


End file.
